Why I'm Better Than Everyone

2:50 PM / Posted by Connor Burke /

I recently debunked the idea of the long debated Multiverse Theory while drinking coffee and being unemployed.

A quick explanation of the multiverse theory:
It's possible that there is an endless number of universes where every possible outcome that could have ever been, is, or could be, exists. This is called the multiverse.
My theory:
If that's possible, there would be a universe where they learned how to contact every universe, and then did so.

Upon confirming with a few friends that my theory made sense, I contacted the Cheif Editor of Physics.org which was basically the only person I could find that seemed suitable for explaining my idea. Two weeks later they wrote me back. I wanted to post the exchange:


Date: Thu, May 21, 2009 at 2:21 PM
Subject:The Multiverse Theory

Dear Editor,

This email may not get read, but I'm hoping it does because I'm curious about the Multiverse theory. However, if you never get to read this, I'm sure in another universe somewhere, you did.
Either way, I've heard of the Multiverse theory and I've thought if there was a possibility for multiple universes, it would mean there was a universe or another "dimension" in which one universe discovered the ability to travel through all other possible universes and managed to contact every other universe. At least that seems probable from the presentation of the theory I've read.
I proposed this theory to people I know, none of which are physicists though (a few were avid comic book fans which kind of counts) but no one has given me a reason why my theory wouldn't be possible.
And if my idea is possible, does that mean there is no such thing as a Meta universe?

You're Welcome,

Connor Burke

P.S. If you and/or your colleagues happen to read this and decide I should be recommended for some sort of Nobel Peace prize or whatever. I'm totally up for that.

And then the reply:

Date: Thu, Jun 4, 2009 at 4:35 AM
Subject: RE: The Multiverse Theory

Hi Connor,

Sorry it has taken me some time to get back to you.

Your question is a very interesting one, however I am afraid there is no definite answer! Multiverse theory is one of the ways physicists have tried to make sense of quantum mechanics, but it still has many flaws as a theory and many physicists have criticised it. Nobody can say for sure whether there are multiple parallel universes or not - right now nobody can either prove or disprove the theory.

If multiverse theory is correct, then yes, you are right, it would be possible that someone in another universe would have discovered a way of travelling between parallel universes. Although this would not necessarily be the case.

Hope this helps.

Thanks,
Alex


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Alexandra Cheung
The Institute of Physics
76 Portland Place
London W1B 1NT

I believe the most important part of this email is in the last paragraph, where she obviously overlooked her own admittance of my ingenuity by saying, "If multiverse theory is correct, then yes, you are right"
Doesn't this means it's impossible for there to be a multiverse?!
My theory basically states it's impossible for there to be a multiverse theory. Her answer is that, if I'm right, then there is no multiverse, but that's only if there IS a multiverse.

In complete laments terms, If there is a multiverse, there is no multiverse.
It's a catch 22, and the catch is that I'm fucking right!
SOMEONE GET ME A GODDAMN NOBEL PEACE PRIZE NOW!

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