Connor Burke

I'm planning to be at the Laugh Attic Open Mic Tuesday at Boudreaux's and Thibodeaux's.
Not really an update, but I also needed to write something about the new layout. It's new.

I'll maybe try to update the site more too this spring. I'm not sure what I could say that exciting but I"ll think of something.
Anyway, quick recap: New layout. Planning to update more. Maybe.

I got asked to perform a 20 minute set this Tuesday for a new TV show.
I'm getting paid and it's filming in Baton Rouge on behalf of some Executive Hollywood Producer.

That's all I know.

I also have a show Wednesday night at Boudreaux and Thibideaux's.
Show starts at 8 I believe and the first 50 people in get free shots.
It'll be Me, Joe Barbor, J.D. Sledge, and Howard Hall, all incredibly funny comedians.
Also hosted by Chris Tompkins.

I'm taking a screenwriting class this semester, and our first homework assignment was to watch Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Arc and comment on it.
The only thing I really had to say was that I felt the movie looked too much like Jurassic Park and that Harrison Ford has aged Horribly.

Our second homework assignment was to write a skeleton scene from the guidelines our teacher gave us, which were basically: only use the dialogue given to us, and make sure to include all the actions provided. We couldn't add anymore dialogue but we could add more actions and characters. We also were asked to structure the assignment differently than a normal screenplay. Everything else was up to us.
To better explain it in case that doesn't make sense, these are the guidelines if you care to read them:

English 2009

Assignment 1: Skeleton Scene

Action
Character 1 is in a space.
Character 2 walks into the space.
Character 2 walks to Character 1.
Character 1 and Character 2 exchange something.
Character 2 leaves the space by the same way he/she came in.

Dialogue
Character A: Oh, no. Can we just do this without any theatrics, please?
Character B: We should have some kind of ceremony.
Character A: What?
Character B: You know…with the boys. Some kind of thing, so they don’t forget we were once…
Character A: What are you doing? Leave them alone.

Rules
• Match Characters 1 and 2 with either Character A or B.
• Assign names to the characters.
• Only use the dialogue provided.
• Expand on the basic action to create a vivid and cinematic scene.
• Create a specific setting and incorporate the setting into the action.
• Write cinematically, using cinematic elements: drama, moving images, sound.
• Have beginning, middle, and end
• 1 page – single spaced; Courier New font
• Put your name on paper

Connor Burke

English 2009-001
Skeleton Scene

Jeremy, an overweight dryosaurus is sitting by himself on a bench in a deserted public park holding a copy of The New York Times which reads END OF WORLD: ASTEROIDS IMMINENT along the front page. Behind him, across the city skyline, enormous meteors plummet from the clouds. However, despite the current state of hysteria, Jeremy appears to be nervously waiting for someone, as he often checks his watch.

It’s not long before Diggory, a human in overalls and a straw hat approaches the bench, sitting down beside Jeremy. The two continue sitting quietly before Diggory releases a loud, off-putting fart.

Jeremy: Oh, no. Can we just do this without any theatrics, please?

Diggory farts again, but quicker.

Jeremy, apparently displeased and slightly disgusted stands up from the bench revealing his massive prehistoric stature over Diggory, who remains seated. Obviously annoyed, Jeremy retrieves a small key from his skin pocket and tosses it to Diggory.

Diggory (In a thick southern drawl): We should have some kind of ceremony.

The word CEREMONY flashes across the screen intensely.

Jeremy: What?

A long silence follows as meteors crash into the city behind them.

Diggory (squirming in his seat as if trying to scratch himself without using his hands): You know…with the boys. Some kind of thing so they don’t forget we were once…

Jeremy: What are you doing? Leave them alone.

Diggory farts again this time propelling himself off screen the way he came in leaving a rainbow colored vapor trail behind him. A meteor then crashes into Jeremy killing him.
The word MASTERPEICE flashes across the screen intensely.

This Tuesday, I'll be at the Roux House.

10 p.m.
$5 cover
18+

I can't promise any "new" material. I've only fully written out one new joke since the last show a few weeks ago.

But regardless, I'm gonna try maybe one or two and presumably deal with the uncomfortable silence afterward.

But that aside, Chris Tompkins is hosting, and he's funny as shit, along with Aaron Chatelain.
So ignoring the dull, over-used jokes I'll be trudging through, you can laugh at these two guys.

And although I don't know much about the other two comics, given the quality of every other Roux House show, I'm assuming they're hilarious.
Plus: they're from New Orleans. So that's just fun for everyone.

On a completely different note, I saw Year One last night, and given the shitty reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, (an unreasonable 19%!) I laughed pretty hard at most of the movie. The plot gets a little vague, given it's about Jack Black and Michael Cera trying to figure out what to do after they've been banished from the village.
But overall, I really felt like the reviews have been completely ridiculous.
I mean I'm sorry, but the movie's good.

Following the same pattern of completely different topics, here's a picture I found today from this past Christmas, when the band was doing some recording in Geo's upstairs loft.The qualities not awesome, but I liked it. The two in the corner, are both Geo, and Ralph's playing drums, which is basically the only instrument in the picture set up for recording. There's a midi on the table, and Geo's amp isn't near any mics.
We're just now starting to really work on publicity for the music though, so if your at all interested, this is going to be the official site for the band temporarily.
www.andthenpatterns.tumblr.com
There's a rough recording of one of our songs up already.

On a final note, everyone needs to watch John Hodgeman's speech at the 2009 Radio and TV Correspondent's Dinner.

I recently debunked the idea of the long debated Multiverse Theory while drinking coffee and being unemployed.

A quick explanation of the multiverse theory:
It's possible that there is an endless number of universes where every possible outcome that could have ever been, is, or could be, exists. This is called the multiverse.
My theory:
If that's possible, there would be a universe where they learned how to contact every universe, and then did so.

Upon confirming with a few friends that my theory made sense, I contacted the Cheif Editor of Physics.org which was basically the only person I could find that seemed suitable for explaining my idea. Two weeks later they wrote me back. I wanted to post the exchange:

Date: Thu, May 21, 2009 at 2:21 PM
Subject:The Multiverse Theory

Dear Editor,

This email may not get read, but I'm hoping it does because I'm curious about the Multiverse theory. However, if you never get to read this, I'm sure in another universe somewhere, you did.
Either way, I've heard of the Multiverse theory and I've thought if there was a possibility for multiple universes, it would mean there was a universe or another "dimension" in which one universe discovered the ability to travel through all other possible universes and managed to contact every other universe. At least that seems probable from the presentation of the theory I've read.
I proposed this theory to people I know, none of which are physicists though (a few were avid comic book fans which kind of counts) but no one has given me a reason why my theory wouldn't be possible.
And if my idea is possible, does that mean there is no such thing as a Meta universe?

You're Welcome,

Connor Burke

P.S. If you and/or your colleagues happen to read this and decide I should be recommended for some sort of Nobel Peace prize or whatever. I'm totally up for that.

Date: Thu, Jun 4, 2009 at 4:35 AM
Subject: RE: The Multiverse Theory

Hi Connor,

Sorry it has taken me some time to get back to you.

Your question is a very interesting one, however I am afraid there is no definite answer! Multiverse theory is one of the ways physicists have tried to make sense of quantum mechanics, but it still has many flaws as a theory and many physicists have criticised it. Nobody can say for sure whether there are multiple parallel universes or not - right now nobody can either prove or disprove the theory.

If multiverse theory is correct, then yes, you are right, it would be possible that someone in another universe would have discovered a way of travelling between parallel universes. Although this would not necessarily be the case.

Hope this helps.

Thanks,
Alex


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Alexandra Cheung
The Institute of Physics
76 Portland Place
London W1B 1NT

New show on May 12th at the Roux House, but I have no flyers yet.
I know, sad day for you. How can you believe me without a flyer.
You just need hope...strength...courage...and everything else you find in a Hannah Montana music video.
Sooooooooooo many updates though, for serious.
I just got so many important things going on...

Yet most importantly, I don't understand a lot of the stuff I'm studying for my Spanish final.
But not because it's in Spanish.
It's because I feel like I over rationalize all of the questions. For example, there was a question that said something along the lines of "A doctor wants to regulate cholesterol levels in a patient, what advice should you give him?"
And that seems absurd to me for a lot of reasons, mainly because at no point am I ever going to be asked to tell a doctor how to do his job, and especially not in spanish.

I feel like maybe our teacher should quit being so thrifty with her money, and go ask a doctor these questions herself instead of disguising them in our homework.
Because I mean, obviously HER cholesterol's bad, and she's too cheap and lazy to fork over that small copay and find out what's wrong on her own. Instead she passes off the responsibility on us.
I DON'T like being in charge of this woman's health.
I signed up for spanish class, not lifeguard training.
And yes, I have been a lifeguard and no, I didn't like it, and yes I am digressing!

...either way, I'm waiting for her to get to the point where she just asks her students for advice with really personal questions, even if they have nothing to do with the doctor, and we get problems on the final like, "A husband and wife have lost interest in each other and feel they no longer are in love, but have a kid and wish for him to grow up in a stable environment, What advice would you give them in order to go through with the divorce but maintain a trustful relationship with their kid?"
If she does do that, and I get an A on the test. The university should just give me a psychology degree and let me out early.

...or a hand written apology...in English.

I used to blog in high school and it was lame then, so I quit doing it and gave it some time to get cool.
Work it's kinks out and really get going, you know?

Turns out everyone still thinks it's lame and I still have the urge to let everyone know what I think.
So I made one...also I started doing stand-up comedy and I heard blogging is good exposure.
And you know what they say...mark your territory on the internet.
They don't say that, but I do, and you can quote me on it.
Matteroffact, I got it all set up for you:

"You have to mark your territory on the internet." -Connor Burke

Copy and paste the shit out of that.

...this might be more pathetic than high school.