Connor Burke

I was at the Laugh Attic this past Tuesday night, and managed to get some pictures.

No videos or pictures of me performing, but I did get someone to take few pictures of the show, to give those who haven't come out yet an idea of what's going on.

As you can tell from most of the pictures, there are a lot of Christmas lights hung around the bar. Also a lot of nets. And boats...like small wooden boats hung on the wall.
But don't let that deter you from the fun!

(You can click on the pictures to see them bigger too, but they're all iPhone quality, and not new iPhone quality.)

This is Jeff Buck (right), owner of Funny as Buck, hosting the show. He's recently been at the Funny Bone where he did some shows with Chris Porter from Last Comic Standing Season 4.

And this is Aaron Chatelain (left) sitting at a booth, before going on stage, where he did a bit with some of the audience, demonstrating how creepy he gets at clubs. It also looks like he may have been doing some light reading before performing. I wouldn't know, I wasn't sitting with him. In fact, the person responsible for these pictures is Bryan Wooldridge (below), owner of Salami Vice, and one of the classier comedy promoters in Baton Rouge right now.

His company hosts the Laugh Attic every other Tuesday at Boudreaux and Thibodeaux's on 3rd street downtown, and consistently promotes major comedians traveling through the South. Salami Vice has done shows with some major names like Mike Russo, Craig Gass, Howard Hall, Chris Tompkins, Joe Barbor, Caroline Anderson, and even more big name comedians from New Orleans.

And yeah, some of those names are local, but they're people who are better than some national performers.

Either way, this is just a bit of an update about local comedy, but the more people showing up to the shows and telling their friends, the larger the audiences etc.

The main point being: this is a growing community in Baton Rouge, who appears to be gaining a substantial amount of notoriety throughout the south. It's hopefully something that will lean more towards Alternative comedy and strain far, far away from anything typically attributed to southern comedy like Blue Collar or even just shitty comedy like Jeff Dunham.

I'll try to update with news about upcoming shows, and anything major going on around town.

Here's a picture of an oily bird.

So I recently learned after Mike the Tiger V died from renal failure, Peta supposedly urged LSU to avoid buying another one.
This being a shitty idea, LSU avoided offending PETA, and had one donated instead.

Now, I'm not sure if that history has any effect on Mike VI's docile nature, but when I went by his cage yesterday...it was immediate aggravating boredom.

I get that we have to use these raised-in-captivity animals, but I want to see some natural jungle cat instinct in that tigerarium.

I mean lets be honest, what the fuck are you doing in this picture?
You're a goddamn tiger, Michael. Do you know what the rest of you're species is doing?
Killing.
They're out killing, and you're not playing with that purple ball.
How about you get on that.

Or look at this dick sitting in front of you're cage. He's just sitting there. SITTING. That's fresh meat, Michael. I wanna see you pouncing against the glass, or shouting tiger insults about this guy's girlfriend. He's getting wayyyy too comfortable in front of you're cage.
That's you're cage, Mike.
Set up some boundaries.

And look, Michael, I get you're unfathomably bored, and yes maybe the lack of running and hunting area has worn down you're muscles. Maybe the boredom of living in a cage you're whole life totally sucks, but Jesus, quit moping.
I don't wanna see it, hear it, or hear about it.
You man up, and get some energy for you're audience.
If you're gonna be stuck in that cage for the rest of you're life, which you are, I think you need to make the best of it.
Here's a couple of pointers:

1.) Maybe spice up the outfit.
See how in this picture, you're wearing nothing.
That's kind of gross.
People don't wear nothing, and you're in people society. So maybe go ahead and adapt already. I'm not saying you need to necessarily pick a specific style of dress-lets be reasonable-but just a t-shirt a jeans would help.
Now, that doesn't mean you can't aim for a style, if you really want. Start small though, like if you're feeling confident today, maybe throw on a novelty hat.

Like the umbrella hood!

Uh oh, Mike. It looks like this guy's having too much fun. And when I say "fun" I mean fun you could be having. Now when you're bored audience starts throwing their garbage over the walls, it will roll off you're hat onto the floor of your smelly, but aesthetically pleasing by human standards, make-shift grotto.

Actually, now that I've given it a moment, the umbrella hood might be too much fun. Maybe you should go for something a little less leisurely, and something far more practical.

How about, Rastafarian!


Ooo, now that seems you're style.
See how much more ripped this creepy white guy got once he put on his Rasta Tam? That's what you need, more dreads and more muscle.

However there's always the natural tiger option, of killing a human and wearing they're skin as an outfit. Nothing says, "I'm ready to be human", like killing one and wearing their skin.

2. Live up to you're statue.


That dominant strut, that subtle open-mouth elegance, the comely furrowed brow. I mean if I"m being honest, you look downright aristocratic. This is a handsome tiger.
Also a dangerous tiger.
But handsome.
Still dangerous though.

I think this really reveals the genteel side of you're character. And yes I did say "character." Don't forget, Mike, you're a stage performer, and stage performers never put their real selves on stage for the world to judge.They get into character. They develop a stage persona. Which brings me to my last suggestion.

3. Figure out you're stage character.

Michael, who are you?
I mean really dig deep and find out, who is this Tiger? Where does he come from, what kind of tiger is he? And I don't just mean Panthera tigris, I mean what makes you different from all the other tigers, you'll never come in contact with.

Now naturally someone might think, he's the mascot for LSU, he's an athlete.
Wrong.
You're not an athlete. You don't do shit.
But that doesn't mean you're out of options.

These are some pretty simple examples, to give you an idea of what I'm looking to see from you.

Maybe you're character hangs around children too much, and has a disgusting passion for breakfast food.


Maybe you're stage character just does a lot of coke.


Or maybe you're just a reliable family man.


Either way, Mike, I'm not saying everyone is bored with the idea of a live tiger on campus, I'm saying I am.
Me.
And since I'm the only one who reads my blog, I have to say my audience agrees with me.
Get you're shit together, Mike, or you're gonna continue to hear the same two phrases every day for the rest of you're short unfair life.
"Where is he?"
And
"Oh, there he is."

That last phrase is normally followed by extreme disinterest.

Guys check out these clips of the Zac Brown Band! They're awesome!



YouTube Version




YouTube Version


These are from last saturday's show, which was put on by Salami Vice.

So I started a Sound Cloud account.
I've posted up a song I made on it, but for the most part I think I may try to get some audio recordings of my shows, and post them on Sound Cloud.
This is the first thing I've posted on there.
It's not comedy it's just a song.

Life Preach by Red_Music

On a more prevalent note, I did a show the other night that was filmed, so hopefully I'll have some new footage to post up that isn't over a year old.

I've wanted to be an animal for a long time, but after watching so much Life and Wild Russia, I've realized being an animal sucks.

And yes, I only found an image for Wild Russia.
Did I try very hard?
No. I didn't even search for Life.
But this image has shitty quality, and that was discouraging.

Look, to clarify about what I was saying, I know you're thinking, "Connor, of course you don't want to be an animal. When I look at animals I always say, 'I wouldn't want to be an animal because they're less intelligent and I like to know things.'"

But see I tend to think I think too much and thinking about thinking less could be beneficial.
So my recent discovery, which may seem obvious to you, is a full circle realization to me. That being said...I don't want to be an animal anymore.

I'll explain!
Pretty much every day, everyone, including myself, whines about how we're all too busy working, or doing school, or not really doing anything but still complaining.
Either way, I realized if I were an animal, I'd still have to deal with that, except it would sound more like,
"Yeah, I've just been like real busy...just like hunting, and eating what I hunted. I've been like hunting all week."
or
"I guess we could do something this weekend, it's just I'll probably have to kill something so I can eat you know? Because food isn't processed for me...I gotta kill it...with my teeth. Yeah...it'll probably be twice the size of me. No, I'm not really looking forward to this week."
That was an animal talking on the phone, if you were wondering why there were so many ellipses. That's when the other animal was talking.

Either way, that also means, every time I hung out with any other animal friends, they would be like, "Do you guys wanna go hunting or something...maybe kill some forest dwelling antelope...or an elk...I'm just gonna say I could go for some elk."
And honestly, those sound like some forest dwelling douchebags.
For starters I wouldn't eat elk, and secondly, I'd probably just go for deer instead of getting so damn creative with it.

And then, there's the whole territorial thing!
If I had to defend my shit everytime another male came over and liked my coffee table. (I'm still referring to me as an animal, I'm just assuming I'd be an animal with a coffee table.) I'm just saying, I don't have the energy to fight you off of my stuff. Just don't take it. I'm sorry you didn't get it first, quit crying about it with your fists...or hooves...or horns. I'm not sure what animal I think I am.

...I think I'm a wolf though. I like to think of myself as a wolf.

There aren't enough people who think me of as a wolf. I'm not sure what kind of person you have to be to be thought of as a wolf, but I wanna be that person. Except maybe like a funny wolf. Like a wolf who hunts and kills and rules a forest, but like who can also be kind of cool sometimes. Who, you know, everyones like, "Yeah he might kill you, but he might also make some real witty observations about how wolves always hunt."

I imagine if wolves did stand-up comedy, they would still complain about the same topics, just in an appropriate wolf fashion. Like maybe female wolves always wanna play with the baby wolves and not go hunt in place of the male wolf so he can sleep more and like watch TV with his friends.
And yeah he knows he made a commitment to that she wolf when they had a wolf cub together, but sometimes you just want to be a real man wolf."

...You know what Hollywood is missing?

Reverse werewolves.
Or just like wolves that transform into a pretty generic looking guys when its sunny.
Like during the day he becomes this average guy in business casual, and he has like a temp job somewhere, but then when the sun goes down he turns back into a wolf.
So there would be instances where he wakes up as a wolf in a cubicle and it's like 7:30 at night. He would understand the concept of time as a human, but once he turned back into a wolf he wouldn't know what 7:30 meant.


Someone make a reverse werewolf movie. Because I'm a wolf.